Very Funny Flashlight Video

Naughty but funny!

Employee Game Achievements

I think working for a living (Especially in a factory) would be more fun, better worker morale if we could earn achievements.
Earning achievements similar to XBOX game, Mafia Wars, or WOW achievements.
Today I could have earned the Burn Baby Burn Achievement...To get this achievement you need to set your hair on fire while welding.
The Fix It Achievement...You get this one by welding your one thousandth rework shelf & as a bonus you unlock the intermediate welding skill!
How about this one? The Forever Achievement.....You get this from working at your place of employment for "forever" as a bonus you unlock a Raise!
I can't forget the All Day Long Achievement.....This one involves doing the same job, stuck in one spot all day long. The only bonus you can unlock with this achievement is a new all day long job tomorrow.

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Now playing: R.E.M. - 1,000,000
via FoxyTunes

Don’t forget if your boss is a friend on Facebook. Ha ha ha

Lines Lines Lines

A Spoof on the Song Hey There Delilah!

Warning XXX: Language of a sexual nature!

This is so funny! LMFAO!
Hey There Vagina



The only problem in the world is that you are connected to a girl.


(This is all Scott's fault!)



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Listening to: Nirvana - Scentless Apprentice
via FoxyTunes

Today's LOL!

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Listening to: The Police - Hungry for You (J'Aurais Toujours Faim de Toil)
via FoxyTunes

Funny!

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I' m a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....






Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society...

I've got another South Park fancy

Treefiddty



Damn Lochness monster!



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Listening to: Brook Benton - Rainy Night in Georgia
via FoxyTunes

South Park Wend'ys song. (NASTY WARNING)

I just saw the South Park where they make a Boy Band with their hit "Finger Bang". With me still not knowing the definition of Finger Bang LOL!
Anyhow Wendy's song cracked me up.





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Listening to: Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar on Me [Historia Video Edit]
via FoxyTunes

Think before you speak...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just ! as threa tening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma th at I saw you
ki ssing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of proble ms with potty tra ining and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No".
I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did to o they were laughing so hard!


Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!



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Listening to: Green Day - She
via FoxyTunes

Some truth

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.

They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

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Listening to: Modest mouse - Dark Center Of The Universe
via FoxyTunes

A very funny funny

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."



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Listening to: Sarah McLachlan - Dirty Little Secret
via FoxyTunes

We celebrated last night

It was for Mom's, Chuck's, & my birthday. I have another week yet before I turn older.
We had great fun. I had too much to drink (Go figure)! My friends got me this gift bag with many naughty things in it. The little hopping glow in the dark penis was the hit of the night! Thank you everyone for coming out with me. I felt very loved & had a blast!
Cheri Ann Margret You're in trouble & you know why MISSY!
More fun!

I was watching South Park last night.

Yes it was crude. Yes it was rude. But OMG It was so funny. The episode was A Million Little Fibers. They were picking on Oprah. I'm surprised she did not have a fit over this episode?Maybe she did I never heard. This was the first time I'd ever seen the character Towelie. He is too funny!
Check out youtube. & The best of Towelie